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New Beginnings

3 July 09 by Jaime

I realized recently that it’s been almost 3 years since Greg, Ralph and I (and a bunch of other amazing folks) finished our album. THREE YEARS! (That’s a long time, but it feels like it flew by in a heartbeat.) Besides the release concert we held at Sun Hills, I’ve done a fat lot of nothing, at least music-wise. I mean, I participated in the Ignition showcase (got some industry feedback – apparently I’m like a young Debbie Gibson. not exactly what I was going for.) and spent about a year searching for accompaniment musicians so I could do some local shows (this was a halfhearted effort, at best), but really, I sunk a year (+) of my life into collaborating, recording, and releasing an album that meant a LOT to me… and then just walked away from it.

That’s not to say that the last few years have been a waste – I bought a house, finished my construction management degree, got a promotion at work, fell in love and got married (highly recommend this part!!), and spent quite a bit of mental energy wrestling with why I’m so studiously avoiding God’s purpose for me when it comes to music. Seriously – it’s like when you’re in jr high, and you REALLY like this guy/girl, so of COURSE you act like they’re invisible and like you’re much too busy with all of your friends and activities, when in reality, you’re doodling their name on the inside cover of your trapper keeper (REALLY dating myself here!!), desperately, hopelessly, head-over-heels in love with them.  I’m doodling God’s name in my trapper keeper (true love), He calls to ask me out (opportunities to share His message through music falling from the sky), and I am too tongue-tied to form a coherent sentence so I tell my mom to take a message (making a bunch of lame excuses for why I can’t answer His “call” immediately).

[NOTE to reader: in case you haven’t already figured it out, I use WAY too many over-the-top analogies, emphatic statements, smiley faces, comma clauses and parenthetical statements. I also use way too many words to make simple statements. It’s a vice of mine. You may want to get used to it.]

Here’s the back story: I’ve spent a lifetime deeply involved in music ministry at church, loving every second of it, joyfully living life with Christ, but at some point I got burned out (on music, not on God!).  After a lot of thought and prayer, I’ve come to the conclusion that I didn’t overload on music – I lost my focus on God.  My core belief in Him has never wavered, but I (without even realizing it) got too busy to study, fellowship, and just BE with Him, and I gradually became just an empty shell person who knew all the right moves.  Maybe you can relate?? Or not. Either way.

So at this point, I’ve decided it’s time for a new beginning. I don’t want to be an empty shell person anymore. I’m going to chronicle my journey back to joyfulness and making joyful noises for the Lord, and hopefully you’ll enjoy reading about the successes and failures I experience along the way. I hope you’ll share your stories, too!

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Time Flies…

24 April 11 by Jaime

…when you forget to update your domain mapping. Oops!!

Sorry about the lack of posts in the last almost-two years and also for letting my website shut down for several months (might help if I checked in a little more often  – I don’t even know how long it was down!).

Update: per my last post (in August 09 – oh, the shame!), we moved into our new house. Shortly thereafter, we remodeled the bathroom. Then we bought a kitten. Meet Lily:

Lily
Lily-cat, being crazy as usual

Then we gutted the backyard and planted a garden:

Garden (summer 2010). Please disregard the dead-looking grass...

Then we knocked down some walls and remodeled the kitchen (ourselves!):

Kitchen, post-remodel

 

Then I got laid off, spent two months job-hunting, and found a great new job. Went to Boston for a week (just for fun), trained for and ran my second half marathon, and went to Europe for several weeks (belated honeymoon).  THEN we brought home a puppy. Meet Winston:

Winston @ 6 weeks

So now you’re all caught up…all this to say that life has been full of all sorts of wonderful things, and God and I are on a crazy adventure that is – as usual – different than what I planned on. When I started this blog, I anticipated that I would (with my typical single-minded focus) be writing mostly about music and songwriting and using the voice God gave me to DO something. I felt like I’d taken enough time away from singing, and was ready to dive back in to worship-music-as-usual.

Luckily God knew better, and I’m so thankful for that!  I think taking this [exorbitantly long] time to learn more about the non-music parts of me has been really valuable.  Jumping back into being on a worship team would have been too comfortable, and thus I don’t think I would have spent nearly as much time really trying to absorb what God wants me to be learning or doing in every moment. For a long time, I’ve felt like I’m in a spiritual desert – thirsting for more of Jesus but at a loss as to how to drink Him in.   And while I’m definitely still parched, there’s an ever-increasing stream of God soaking in.

I’ve been praying about this a lot over the past several years.  At first, I just couldn’t move beyond why God wasn’t listening to me. I mean, I WANTED to follow Him! Didn’t that matter? Was I just talking to myself? Then I realized that I had it backwards – I wasn’t listening to GOD, and following Him meant resting in Him even when I wasn’t feeling the closeness, or getting any clear direction from Him. It meant being open to new people and new opportunities and new situations, even though I very much prefer the predictability of a routine, the same-ness of close family and friends, and the confidence of that  “on-fire” feeling. Basically, I wanted God MY way.

I’m still struggling with that, but I’m encouraged to at least be cognizant of my attempted manipulations, and aware enough to resist continuing that trend. We’ve started attending a new church, and I’m loving the enthusiasm of the worship and the candor of the messages. My husband is such an amazing man and a wonderful example to me of Christ’s love. Giving myself time to learn how to be a godly wife has been a huge blessing to me as an individual, and taking a break from a career that was becoming too much of a lifestyle was eye-opening and refreshing.  God is speaking to me in all sorts of different ways, and I am thankful! 

 Have you guys had any similar experiences? Feeling like you’re desiring a closeness with Christ that just isn’t happening? I’d love to hear about it.

Hopefully you’ll be hearing from me a little more often in the future. [If anyone even reads this,] I just wanted folks to know I was still alive and still pursuing Jesus.  🙂

PS Many thanks to Craig, my friend at work who heard my CD and asked where he could get one…without him,  I probably wouldn’t have known that my website was down (and thus my itunes links inactive!!). Also thanks to my friend Ed, who has shamelessly plugged my album from the very beginning and continues to do so in every available opportunity…he played the CD for Craig. 🙂

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Bags and baggage

10 August 09 by Jaime

I was just re-listening to the title track on “Release Me” the other day and recognizing that although the lyrics I wrote clearly acknowlege the fact that I’m letting my fears and failures hold me back from joyfully living out the life God designed me to lead (at least I’m not oblivious to the problem!), I’m still just “hoping [He’ll] release me,” and I’m not  actively pursuing that release. Um, I’m thinking that this is an important realization – but where do I go from here?

It seems to me that everyone has baggage, and at some point, they’ll probably be motivated to unpack it and deal with the issues it represents.  At that point , things can go one of two ways: people can unpack the issues, consider them, and put them right back where they came from, or people can take the battered, travel-worn issues they’ve been carrying around so long and decide to give them to someone else to carry (like I typically do when on trips with my husband…hehe). Which way do you usually choose?

More often than not, I can be found with eight suitcases, 5 carry-ons, and at least three overly large purses (at least in the intangible, emotional hang-ups sense…I don’t actually pack that much when I travel!) – and I definitely get weighed down by all that baggage (for me, the heaviest bag is the crushing sensation of not getting things right – ah, the joys of being a very imperfect perfectionist!). Trying to focus on God and all of the incredible blessings He’s bestowed on me and what I should be doing with them instead of dwelling on the many, many mistakes I make every day is an issue I’ve been carrying around with me for quite a while. All this lugging around is definitely slowing me down in my pursuit of Christ. (It’s time to find a sherpa…!)

What part of your life do you think holds you back and keeps you away from God? What have you found to be the best way to deal with your baggage? Do tell…I can use all the help I can get!

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iTunes news

10 August 09 by Jaime

“Release Me” is now available on iTunes (thanks Greg!!). Hope you’ll swing by and rate the album – and I would really love to hear what songs mean the most to you, and whether you were able to relate to what the album is all about. (Any and all feedback appreciated!). I’ve got all the lyrics posted here, in case you want to check them out while you’re listening.

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A fresh start

13 July 09 by Jaime

Like I said, normal every day stuff always gets in the way…I was all set and ready to really dig into this whole issue of music and God and life (via frequent blog postings), and it turns out that I’m just a little bit busy right at this second. My husband and I just signed papers on our new house – we’re REALLY excited to move in and get settled! (And I’ll be excited to start posting regularly once we’re all moved!) This could be the perfect chance for a fresh start, and a great opportunity to sharpen my focus on God’s incredible blessings. Stay tuned!

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