Sorry about the lack of posts in the last almost-two years and also for letting my website shut down for several months (might help if I checked in a little more often – I don’t even know how long it was down!).
Update: per my last post (in August 09 – oh, the shame!), we moved into our new house. Shortly thereafter, we remodeled the bathroom. Then we bought a kitten. Meet Lily:
Then we gutted the backyard and planted a garden:
Then we knocked down some walls and remodeled the kitchen (ourselves!):
Then I got laid off, spent two months job-hunting, and found a great new job. Went to Boston for a week (just for fun), trained for and ran my second half marathon, and went to Europe for several weeks (belated honeymoon). THEN we brought home a puppy. Meet Winston:
So now you’re all caught up…all this to say that life has been full of all sorts of wonderful things, and God and I are on a crazy adventure that is – as usual – different than what I planned on. When I started this blog, I anticipated that I would (with my typical single-minded focus) be writing mostly about music and songwriting and using the voice God gave me to DO something. I felt like I’d taken enough time away from singing, and was ready to dive back in to worship-music-as-usual.
Luckily God knew better, and I’m so thankful for that! I think taking this [exorbitantly long] time to learn more about the non-music parts of me has been really valuable. Jumping back into being on a worship team would have been too comfortable, and thus I don’t think I would have spent nearly as much time really trying to absorb what God wants me to be learning or doing in every moment. For a long time, I’ve felt like I’m in a spiritual desert – thirsting for more of Jesus but at a loss as to how to drink Him in. And while I’m definitely still parched, there’s an ever-increasing stream of God soaking in.
I’ve been praying about this a lot over the past several years. At first, I just couldn’t move beyond why God wasn’t listening to me. I mean, I WANTED to follow Him! Didn’t that matter? Was I just talking to myself? Then I realized that I had it backwards – I wasn’t listening to GOD, and following Him meant resting in Him even when I wasn’t feeling the closeness, or getting any clear direction from Him. It meant being open to new people and new opportunities and new situations, even though I very much prefer the predictability of a routine, the same-ness of close family and friends, and the confidence of that “on-fire” feeling. Basically, I wanted God MY way.
I’m still struggling with that, but I’m encouraged to at least be cognizant of my attempted manipulations, and aware enough to resist continuing that trend. We’ve started attending a new church, and I’m loving the enthusiasm of the worship and the candor of the messages. My husband is such an amazing man and a wonderful example to me of Christ’s love. Giving myself time to learn how to be a godly wife has been a huge blessing to me as an individual, and taking a break from a career that was becoming too much of a lifestyle was eye-opening and refreshing. God is speaking to me in all sorts of different ways, and I am thankful!
Have you guys had any similar experiences? Feeling like you’re desiring a closeness with Christ that just isn’t happening? I’d love to hear about it.
Hopefully you’ll be hearing from me a little more often in the future. [If anyone even reads this,] I just wanted folks to know I was still alive and still pursuing Jesus. 🙂
PS Many thanks to Craig, my friend at work who heard my CD and asked where he could get one…without him, I probably wouldn’t have known that my website was down (and thus my itunes links inactive!!). Also thanks to my friend Ed, who has shamelessly plugged my album from the very beginning and continues to do so in every available opportunity…he played the CD for Craig. 🙂
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